I was gonna bring her apples when she was in need

I haven't talked about anything very serious in a long time...maybe I won't finish this post and maybe I won't get out everything I want to, but I think I want to try.

There have been a couple of cases in recent times (one had charges announced just recently, another was a year or two ago) in which "cyber bullying" is blamed for a person's suicide. This is a very complicated sort of situation for me. I've been on many sides of this issue at different times -- I will admit that I've been a bully at times and I've definitely been bullied.

I love the freedom that the internet gives people, but at the same time, I think that it causes a sort of magnification of force. When I was bullied as a kid at school and I would take that home with me to some degree, but at least I had some sort of reprieve. When I became online-aware, I was able to use the internet as a sort of release -- I found it to be a soothing way to connect with people in a way that I was almost totally incapable in meat space. However, the internet was very different back then; I chose who I would connect with. I had to give my information out to other people. Sure, someone could email me or IM me, but I could block or filter those messages and I could just get rid of them fairly easily. No one saw the contact except for me. In this age of facebook and myspace and whatever, there seems to be far more opportunities to just search for someone by name and find their little corner of the web.

I don't think the internet is to blame. I also don't think bullying in and of itself is to blame either. Most opponents of laws to punish those who bully kids to the point of suicide take up one or the other of these points. This is a fairly new phenomenon -- in the past internet communication was more like a phone call and less like a Google search. Bullying has gone on probably as long as people have been around. However, they really only get incredibly dangerous when they are used together.

I think the point I'm trying to make is that I'm confused about what should be done legally about this. Now that I'm a bit older, I can easily see that the bullying was so completely pett -- but back when I was the target/perpetrator, it really mattered. How exactly do you draw the line? There have been 5 year olds sent home from school for making finger guns in class -- zero tolerance almost always seems like overkill, but when you allow things to get tinged with gray, nothing ever seems to get done.

I guess I'm just really bummed that there are people who will never get to grow up and realize that what they were going through will really just not matter at all later. In some ways, I think the bullies in these cases will probably wind up punishing themselves enough. I know that if someone I had bullied wound up killing him/herself, I would probably have just fizzled out. On the other hand, though, people do stupid shit all the time and don't care.

Tiny pies

Erin made some pies like this:
http://www.notmartha.org/tomake/piesbakedintinyjars/
They were tasty. She made apple and peach filling from scratch (my two favorite baked goods flavors). She used a different recipe, but this one illustrates the idea just fine. She only made 4 just in case they sucked, but they turned out great. I can't wait to eat more.

I've been thinking about skating a lot lately. I even dream about it. I really really want to get kickflips down (every time I've gotten them pretty decently down something has happened that stopped me from skating for a couple years). I'd also like to try to learn nose/tailslides and perhaps bluntslides, but those will (hopefully) come later. I'm cleaning up my frontside 180s and should probably try to get backside 180s as well as just general switch skating down a bit better/more comfortably.

It's weird to receive a compliment from someone about the way you sang Amazing Grace at their husband's funeral. Better than a complaint, I suppose.

bzz

I've started using Google's Buzz. I've liked most things Google has come up with/bought, so I figured I'd try it. If it sucks, I'll shut it down. I might use that more than this, though...I think you can find it here: my buzz

Oh no! He's going to hurt my legs!

I finished* my guitar last weekend. I'm not 100% happy with it. The nut that I cut is cut a little too deep (which causes a little fret buzz when the low E is played open), the pickguard doesn't fit the pickup covers as well as I'd like and I'm not certain that I like the pickups I wound for it. I say I'm not certain because they sound okay...but I don't have a decent comparison for them -- I also don't play them through a decent amp. Most of the time, I don't actually even play through an amp at all, actually. The neck feels really good, and it plays in tune about as well as can be expected (it is pretty commonly known that guitars aren't 100% perfect along all frets unless you either use an individual fret for each string or something else that is ultimately WAY too much work for too little gain). I love the colors and the overall look of it -- I'm just worried that I'm too "simple" when it comes to guitars to really be able to rate the guitar very well.

My next projects I'd like to undertake are (with possible time-frames):
cut a new nut -- whenever I get tired of the one I have...maybe tonight
build an amp -- possibly before we move, but maybe not
build a case -- same as the amp. I would probably build an amp first, though. Also, I would build a case because the guitar is odd in its dimensions/shape and I don't want to search for something that will sort of fit.
build a new neck for Erin's dad's guitar -- after Erin and I find a house (probably) I would like to wait until then, at least, just so I'll have a garage to build in. I might see if Kerstan will let me work in his condo's garage, though, if it looks like it will be a long time. Erin's dad's guitar is a Peavey Patriot from the 80s, I would guess, and it needs some fretwork. I could probably re-fret it, but I'm scared of doing that on a decent neck, so I could just build a new one.
new guitar -- I would LOVE to build a archtop hollowbody as my next real experiment, but I might build a bass first.

I'm tired of posting. That's how this tends to go.

screaming at the wailing wall

My guitar is/was nearly done...but I made some fuckups today.

1) I had wound pickups and only needed to mount them into the body, then hook up electronics, then I would be done...I chose to mount them with threaded inserts and fucked up when I drilled for them, so I had to plug the holes and will try to redrill.

2) while I was charging the magnets for the pickups, I broke not one but BOTH of the pickups. I might not have enough magnet wire to re-wind them...which will mean ANOTHER delay.

3) I just realized there isn't an access hole to the jack...it used to run into the trem route, but that doesn't really exist anymore...

I feel really frustrated and down that I was so close and now I'm so far...I might try to re-wind the pickups tomorrow (the only way to see if I have enough wire is to run out part way) and I will definitely try to get the mounts right...

eph.

I'm a lot like you were

I can't help but feel disconnected sometimes. I mean, I've got friends, family (kind of), Erin, but I mean beyond that. I don't really feel like I'm growing up...The things I'm interested in right now are so similar to the things I was interested in during high school. For instance, throughout the latter half of high school, I spent a lot of time skating (not very well) and dreaming of being able to build an electric guitar. I also spent quite a bit of time playing video games. Right now, I AM building guitars, I would love to spend a lot more time skating (it's difficult to find a time/place...which is complicated) and I've also recently bought a PS3 and have started getting back into playing video games.

I'm just not interested in the grown up stuff. I'd love to buy a house (we are waiting until Erin graduates and we know more about our finances). We want a dog, but want to wait until we have a house. Other than that and having a nice career, I don't care for it. I don't feel any strong urge to get married, I absolutely 100% do NOT want kids.

I guess I'm just worried about being stunted or something. I'm happy with where I am, but I don't want to get a facebook or anything to keep closer tabs on people because I really don't want to realize that I'm broken. Ignorance is bliss.

My birthday is Sunday...I'll be 25...that sounds old.

Oh yeah, Erin gave me a new skateboard, I finished that guitar neck and have ordered parts for pickguard, knobs, electronics, etc., so it should be finished within a month. It plays really well. Getting the neck set up nicely made me REALLY wish I had nicer tools (a nice rasp and a set of nice nut files being at the top of the list).