Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Every couple minutes someone says he can't stand it anymore

I had a bit of a mini-breakdown a couple nights ago. Erin was really helpful in the way she just listened to me and let me vent. I know hearing about stuff like that is hard, but sometimes I think I'm just going to explode...

If you've spent any reasonable amount of time around me, you've probably seen me when I'm recovering...or whatever. Aside from Erin, Amber is probably the person who has seen me in that state the most...but she didn't know what was wrong...hell, maybe she thought that was just the way I am?

Amber: Do you remember the time, senior year spring trip, in Dallas I was sitting outside of the hotel next to the water just staring out? I don't remember...did I give you an excuse for why I was doing that? If I did, do you remember what I said? I feel a bit guilty (and have) for not telling you about what was really wrong all of the times you asked why I seemed down or whatever....I feel more guilty about the fact that I would make things up (or make a bigger deal out of other things that were, conveniently, bothering me at the time). ---- Another example: do you remember the time, freshman year, Elliott wanted to go to Taco Cabana and I said I didn't want to go to a sit down restaurant...and he got kind of upset? --- Maybe you won't remember these cases...they really stand out to me because the first was when I was actually the most upset around you (that I can remember, at least) and the second is the one I feel most guilty about making shit up about...

Sometimes I feel like I don't get angry enough; other times, I feel like I overreact and get too angry. So many things have come as a result of this stuff that I really have no way of saying I would be better off without the feelings I have. Sometimes I wish I could just talk about it; sometimes I wish I could be strong and try to help other people...most of the time, though, I just feel like I should ignore it all and just cope. A lot of the time, I feel like I'm two people in one body...more accurately, I guess, would be to say I feel like one person halfway in and halfway out of one body.

If anybody comes to see me
Tell 'em they just missed me by a minute
If anybody comes in to our room while we're asleep
I hope they incinerate everybody in it

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

We found a house

So, she and I have been looking around for a house to rent, but we had some kind of unorthodox requirements:

1) area (okay, this one isn't that unorthodox): we wanted something relatively close to where I work, as well as campus (read: no Leander/Round Rock/far north stuff, etc)
2) space: I wanted a large enough area to set up drums/other music stuff in addition to setting up a spot for my computer/soldering/hobby work space.
3) space (again): Erin wanted a spot to do sewing/other kinds of things

We were primarily looking at 3-4 bedroom houses in South Austin, but she found this really neat little house. One bedroom, with a loft, in West Campus. Because I work in West Austin, it's really not all that far away from me; it's super close to campus, too. It's a blue-ish color with pink trim on the outside, so it's got some character. This was one of the top pics from out list of about 10 workable houses (which was pulled from out longer list of about 30).

Most of our short-list were being taken (leaving only the lower portion of the "chosen" ones), so we started considering this one even more. After debating it together, we set up a viewing of the house. The house really has a LOT of character. The street has tons of trees and stuff, the house isn't in bad shape (considering it was build in 1937) and it's all really nice. Really, everything seemed full steam ahead...until the realtor told us that the "storage shed" in the back yard wasn't actually for the laundry (those go in the dining room)...it's an apartment. It's a little weird that we'll be sharing a driveway with someone, but apparently it's a woman in her early to mid twenties...hopefully we will get along well with her.

The house is really pretty neat, so I'm hoping we're able to make it work. My only real concerns are the living room (it's really an odd shape...the bedroom is very large, so the living room is kinda narrow and wide) and the loft. I'm concerned about getting all of my stuff up the tiny little staircase, but it should be okay, I think.

Monday, June 23, 2008

I can't believe I forgot to post this

I found this as a draft on my old blog...new comments will be in [square brackets]

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The [at the time] new baseball game has a Nirvana song (I think it was "Breed") in the commercial...

When I was a little upset, Erin asked if Nirvana liked baseball...when I said no, she said, "Maybe Courtney Hole (or whatever her name is) really likes baseball."

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Erin called her Courtney Hole...hilarious.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Stuff

So, it's been a little while since I posted (again!). I'm trying to be better, Amber...I just can't get in the habit of writing anything on the internet (I really don't spend a lot of time at the computer at home...maybe a side-effect of sitting in front of the computer all day at work?)

I've spent just over two weeks at my new job. It's certainly different from AMD. So far, it seems a little more organized, but as a result, less hectic. That sounds like a good thing, but I kind of miss the rush of getting things done when it looked like they were going to have to just fuck off or something. That said, I do enjoy the position and the team. The company, as a whole, feels like it works together a bit better than anything I've experienced before, so that is very pleasant...plus, the pay is really nice.

Erin and I have looked a little bit for houses to rent. I don't think we're going to be terribly picky...aside from location and price, we'll just pick what we like best of what's available. I will be so excited to have my own little work space (a desk for my circuits and things, as well as drums and other music instruments). Kerstan and I can start practicing again (we haven't played in a long time...going to that house we were playing at is a hassle and Kerstan also hurt his wrist). I hope the neighbors don't get too mad.

I worked on two of my drum synths and tried to build the guitar pickup I mentioned in the last post...one synth works pretty well, another not so well...the pickup doesn't work that great, though. The wire I used isn't small enough. I'm going to get a much smaller wire and try again.

I'm trying to get back into running again. Erin and I went and ran around a park today. Hopefully having to drive somewhere to just go running won't dissuade us from doing it at least a couple of times a week. That is another benefit of having a house.

I'm too sleepy to continue posting.

Sunday, June 1, 2008

Everybody's wearing a frown--waiting for Santa to come to town

I start my job at ARM tomorrow (technically today, I guess). I'm pretty excited but a little worried. They're paying me a lot, so I'm afraid they're going to expect me to be the Jesus Christ of circuit design or something...I think my experience at AMD (as well as my education at UT) has prepared me well, but their whole business is completely different. Tomorrow should just mostly be orientation, though, so I'm not that worried yet.

The past two weeks, I basically relaxed with Erin, played LOTS of Super Smash Bros. Brawl, worked on a couple little projects, and we hung out with Kerstan and his girlfriend Emily a bit as well. It's been a good two weeks, but I've been a little restless. I think I'll be happy with the regularity provided by working.

I've considered getting a facebook (partly due to pressure from Amber...and a little from Erin) but I don't know. I'm just not that concerned with it, I guess.

I'd like to start a couple more projects soon (jars of fireflies, some other microcontroller projects, maybe another small synth or two, winding my own pickup for my acoustic guitar)...but I'll wait for work to settle down.

Also, Erin and I need to start looking for houses for rent...we want to rent a house ideally in August...do that for a year or two, then start looking to buy a house.

Sometimes updates feel okay...sometimes they feel like this one =\

Saturday, May 10, 2008

So much time passes so fast

Wow...so this semester is finally over. I can't believe that my last post was actually BEFORE the semester started.

This semester, looking back, has been a series of let-downs, I guess...but at the same time, I've grown and learned a lot, so I guess it hasn't been all bad.

School:
FUCK IT.
I had three classes: VHDL, Digital Circuits and Senior Design. The only class I actually sort of enjoyed was Digital Circuits, because it was very similar to the kind of things I had been doing at AMD. VHDL and Senior Design can suck a clown's dick, for all I care.

VHDL: So, this class had a lab component. The lab is a small room with about 10-15 computer stations (for a class of at least 40-60). Not only this, but the TAs are only actually in the lab for questions/lab checkout etc. during the noon-ish to 5pm hours except for Tuesday (the final day labs could be checked out). This sucked hard for me because I had class from 9:30 to 5:30 straight (with no breaks) on Tuesday and Thursday and work from 9-5 on Monday Wednesday and Friday...so my only time to use the hardware was realistically either Saturday or Tuesday (the day everyone and their mother and their mother's dog's best friend Stephen are in there trying to check these stupid things out on). The labs required a partner so I joined up with another guy who was working and taking classes. Long story short: he sucked...bad. I did all of the labs up until Spring Break, where he dropped the class. I got a new partner after this who actually had some idea as to what was going on, so I was marginally happier after this.

Also, one of the TAs was a jerk. The other TA was much nicer and understanding about things.

I got an A in this class...just barely; and I didn't have to take the final.

Senior Design: Our project was to make a touch-sensitive LED matrix that functioned as both input and output...we had teams of 4 but, up until literally 2 weeks or so before the thing was due, I did ALL of the fucking work. We had 2 guys working on programming who wouldn't know a data direction register from their asshole if you asked them. They took an entire MONTH to get a fairly straightforward analog-to-digital conversion on an input pin working. Fuck them. I wound up having to build all of our hardware in one day/night/next day...I literally sat in front of a soldering iron for 27 hours straight...

The thing wound up working, then we had to write a paper...I was the only one who finished my part of the paper to meet the deadline we set for ourselves...one guy didn't finish his shit until 6:30 the morning it was due...I didn't sleep that night, turned in our paper, gave a final presentation (which we didn't prepare for....and the girl in the group was an HOUR late for because she fell asleep and didn't wake up to her alarm) and somehow, I made an A in the class....what the hell?

Digital Circuits: This was my favorite class out of the 3 I took. In the beginning it was really good, because it was filling in all of the little gaps in knowledge I had gathered from my time working at AMD...but toward the end, we started going over things that I had a much higher understanding of than we even covered in the class, so I got a little bored. However, it was nice to finish a lab in 2 hours when I knew everyone in the class spent 20+ hours on...and still getting one of the highest grades (the only person I know who beat me literally drained 40 hours on the lab...and his timing was only slightly better)..

I took this final (my only final this semester) on Wednesday. Hopefully that comes back well enough to get an A...but at this point, I seriously don't care. If I get a B, I'm fine with that...

Work:
So, about a month ago now, I was told by my manager at AMD that, due to the fact that they were in a serious hiring freeze (and later announced that they would be laying off 10% of their workforce) that he had been unable to secure a position for me after my co-op ended. I was pretty crushed at first because I have grown fairly close (in a work-related sense) to my co-workers and my project. I really like the work environment at AMD and everything. Mike (my manager) assured me that it was not a performance based decision, but purely financial. Apparently his manager (and even the site director) took the case all the way to the VP of silicon design who still denied the request. Honestly, the fact that so many people made such an attempt is telling of the impression I've made with my manager. He tells me that, as soon as AMD is in decent financial shape, he's going to try to persuade me to come back.

So the job search was on. I applied to Centaur (they make microprocessors sold under the VIA brand) but they rejected me via a form letter without even giving me an interview or anything. I was a little bummed. I then started looking around. Major prospects were IBM, Intel, Sun, and ARM. I applied to ARM kind of on a whim...I applied for a position very similar to what I do at AMD while I was waiting for Erin to get out of her classes one day. They called me less than 48 hours later to set up a phone screening. After my phone screening, the next day they called to set up on-site interviews. The day I left my interview (about an hour and a half later, I'd say) they called to set up a second interview. So I'm thinking to myself, "Wow! This is going very fast." They had told me they had several other candidates to interview over the course of the next several weeks, but they seemed to really want me. During my second interview, I was told that they were considering me not only for the position for which I applied, but also for another position. Three days after my second on-site interview, they called me to tell me that they would be working out numbers and such and sending me an offer. This whole process took about 3 weeks (but I caused a week delay by scheduling my first on-site interview a week after my phone screen). My offer wound up being quite a bit more than I was really looking for and I'm pretty pleased with the numbers.


In other news: Kerstan and I have started skating again. I'm not to the same level I used to be, but it's slowly coming back. We sort of decided to do this because the creek we swam in last summer is dry right now...we're still hoping it'll come back, but I'm not so sure anymore. Also, our band is doing alright. We're not practicing as much as we used to; Erin and I hope to rent a house starting in August and the house we practice at now is kind of small and a hassle (4 guys live there and we don't want to be a bother...plus we have to carry a lot of gear back and forth and the drums are NEVER tuned the way I leave them...)

Erin and I are doing well. She has an internship this summer with a pretty decent company and seems excited about it. I really hope she enjoys working in industry as much as I have (or at least close enough to be happy). She really wasn't nearly as stressed this semester as she has been in previous ones. Her last final is right now (7pm to 10pm) so hopefully she's doing well.

I'm done with school (as long as that circuits final was well enough to pass the class...which, if it's not, I have NO idea how that could be). My parents/other family are forcing me to actually walk at graduation...which I'm not terribly happy about, but I can't really help that, I suppose. I'm still not sure who all is going to come, but it should be kind of a lot...my brother and his girlfriend are spending the night at our apartment that night, then we're going to go to San Marcos to swim in the river there. That night, we'll come back to Austin and probably go to Fogo De Chao for dinner (I told my brother that if ARM paid me a really sweet number, I'd take him there, because he'd been ranting about it for a while now).

Long entry....not even a very good one =\

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

I saw you move a certain way

It's been a while since I updated...I doubt I'll remember everything...

I spent Christmas Eve with Erin and her family at her grandparents' house. We had to sleep in separate rooms =\ Christmas day with my family, then back to Austin that evening. Erin and I are doing well. We went out and bought her a nice ring...an engagement ring of sorts. It's getting re-sized and will be ready when we get back from Seattle. (Next week...Jan 7 through 12) We've discussed the idea of getting married....we want to, but need to find the time, I suppose. I mean, we've been together for over 5 years now..it's almost like we're already married, in lots of ways. We're very compatible on most subjects (the only places we tend to differ are when it comes to how we keep our work-spaces...I prefer a concentrated sort of chaos....she likes things to be wide-spread and organized, but tidy) Considering that most houses are 3-bedroom or larger, we'll probably just each have our own work room when we have a house.

I had a lot of time off from work (from Monday, Xmas Eve up til Tuesday, New Years Day). I worked on some instruments I'm building (electric drums) as well as getting my desktop computer up and running again, so I can download some tv shows to send to Elliott. Like I mentioned earlier, Erin and I are going to Seattle to visit Omar and for some sight-seeing. We're going to be there for a week, then coming back in time for the next semester at school to start. It'll be my last and Erin's second to last.

My running has been on a pretty long break. I just don't feel so motivated to do it when it's so goddamn cold...walking back to the apartment drenched in sweat is just not very sweet.

Kerstan and I have started a band, I guess...vocals, guitar and drums (and only snare/bass drum/percussion odds and ends). It's come along pretty well. He's out of town for a month, though, so no time to practice. Hopefully I can keep a few hours on the weekend free for practice when school is back in session...I'm taking 10 hours and working 24 D: